I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
