She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
