I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We need to rekindle our bromance
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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