just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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