You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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