Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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