I want you more than these girls want KFC
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
