is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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