return my video game
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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