Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
