She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
