I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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