Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
