glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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