$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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