he wants to bone in the snuggie
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize