I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
