The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
