so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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