Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
