My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
