He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
