every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
