WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
ttyl tear gas
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
