VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
