she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
