rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
