Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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