you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
