This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
