Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
