Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
