I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
