i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drake has all the answers
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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