so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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