glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
