If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
