Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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