i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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