you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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