Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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