My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
two words...techno handjob
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
