I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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