all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
