I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
