either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
