I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
