Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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