I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
