She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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