im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I puked a lego.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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