Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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