The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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