There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize