If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize