the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
