not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
