i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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