i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
