Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
