hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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