So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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