alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
time to smoke my breakfast
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
