So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
