i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
