Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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