guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
