OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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