I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
