when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
