the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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